I am up entirely too early. I've gotten used to sleeping in a bit here on the ship, since there's nothing really expected of me but to be me. I don't have to go to work, I don't have to study for school. I may study, but it's entirely for me and entirely on my own time. So I go to bed when I feel like it and get up the same way.

That said, I haven't been up this early in quite a while. I just woke up...restless. Not "I need to get offa this ship" restless. When I opened my eyes, the first thing that happened is that my brain turned on. And when that happens, it's impossible to go back to sleep, no matter how early it is.

So what am I thinking so urgently about? Well, I intimated in my last post that something was wrong. I think it's so. I can't quite put my finger on it, though. Of course the Drew le' tor are watching us, but that makes sense. We're still very much a sort of anthropological experiment in action, despite the length of time the aliens spent on our planet watching us. Now we're in a new environment, so they're noting our every behavior, I'm sure.

But I totally get that. I don't mind that. That makes sense.

No, it's more than that. It's not that I can point to any specific case or anything, but I get the distinct feeling that sometimes we're being, well, manipulated towards certain behaviors. I don't believe there's any ill intent with this -- after all, we're dealing with a bunch of scientists. It must be in the pursuit of scientific knowledge and understanding, right? I mean, right? Yet I can't help feeling very much like a rat in a maze, and it's not a feeling I enjoy. At all.

I'm sure I could say something about this, and it would only feed their general knowledge about how we react to these situations. Should I even be worrying about it? After all, it was my choice to join these folks and see the universe. Maybe I should just let it go and enjoy my time here: learn, grow, love, and seek.

I guess I can let it go as long as it doesn't get too extreme. They haven't hurt us (arguably), and I can perhaps soothe myself with the notion that their intentions are ultimately positive in that they might reveal themselves to all of humanity and thereby usher in a new age of peace and prosperity on planet Earth.

But I don't know what their intentions are. I can't read their minds (or Mind). All I can do is make my own observations, make guesses, and, in the end, still be quite helpless.

P.S. I had sex with Nhlanhla.